Hirsute Clarty Pediculus Oxters

Four words. I learned them together from a woman famous in Fairbanks, Alaska for broadening pitifully narrow horizons and teaching the great unwashed. Ms. Susan Stitham.

She was my High School English teacher for two years at Lathrop High School where she taught from 1972 to 2004. She was the English Department Chair for many of those years.

Quick witted, fast of speech, unrelenting. When I see Conan O’Brien on television, I start to remember her lectures and I’m convinced they are ancestral relatives.

I wonder how many thousands of people were impacted by this great teacher whose zest for the written word was so infectious that we couldn’t help but be swept up by it. Hopefully, many were so effected by her that they are cringing while reading this sentence.

And of those thousands, how many have the meaning of the above four words imprinted in their brains forever because of her? How many children of former APE (Advanced Placement English) students were told these words at bedtime so that both could get creeped out and enjoy a “eewwww” moment?

Hirsute comes from the Lain “hirsutus” and means “covered with coarse stiff hairs, especially on the face or body.” In short, “hairy.”

Clarty means “sticky” and “dirty” at the same time. Some definitions include “mud-covered.”

Pediculus is a genus of lice. Essentially, it means “lice-infected.”

Oxters are “armpits.” The word comes from the Old English.

Put it together and you have hairy, sticky-dirty, lice-infested arm pits.

Teenagers love this stuff. And remember it for the rest of their lives.

Thank you, Ms. Stitham.